


An Experience

by LettersofSky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexual Awareness Week 2019, Asexual Character, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-06 01:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21218627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LettersofSky/pseuds/LettersofSky
Summary: A small look into what it might mean to be ace on Alternia





	An Experience

Quadrants were dumb.

Quadrants were dumb and Gamzee Makara didn’t want anything to do with them, as was made obvious by the fact that even at ten sweeps of age he had a reputation floating about of being someone that couldn’t keep a relationship to save his life. Bless the Messiahs for random pailmates, as much as they turned Gamzee’s insides.

Gamzee didn’t mind the reputation though; it made it so much easier to go about life as he wished to without the uncomfortable questions and pushing of when he’d settle down one of his squares.

Now if only the reputation would release him from the duties of filing pails for the Mother Grub else he forfeits his life, then his life would be absolutely perfect and he could continue the good mission he’d been gifted by his hatefriends in their quest for a better future for all of them.

But things couldn’t be that easy for him so Gamzee endured to the best of his abilities and dealt with the aftermath of those necessary pailing sessions as well as he could.

Because you see, Gamzee Makara… didn’t enjoy the act of pailing. Not in the way that every other troll did. Not in the way everyone was telling him he should be.

And not because he wasn’t invested in his quadrants. No, he’d had quadrants in the past, before pailing became a thing that had to happen and he’d been nothing but dedicated. He’d been involved and presence and invested in ways he couldn’t even imagine being now.

But when the subject of pailing started to become something that was brought up, when things started to take a turn in that direction, Gamzee had…

He hadn’t known what to do. Pailing was an important duty that needed to be completed for the continuation of their species but he just… didn’t have any want to engage in it, even in situations and circumstances where he should have.

Flush mate all pretty and open in their vulnerability? Nothing.

Pitch mate all ruined and bruised after a scuffle? Nothing then either.

And Gamzee was a lot of things that could be called awful, a whole lot of things, but he wasn’t cruel or selfish with his quadmates. They deserved more than a troll that couldn’t give them what they needed in a quadrant, so he’d cut things off, let them go on their way to better places and the like.

It hadn’t ended well, neither of them had reacted too well to Gamzee just ending things before the Trails and he didn’t blame them for it.

Didn’t help that he hadn’t been able to explain the reasoning behind it to them, just hadn’t been safe enough to, even if he had trusted them, he just hadn’t been able to trust them with that. Admitting to an inherent flaw of himself as troll? That would put him on the road for a swift culling guaranteed.

… no, that wasn’t fair to them. Gamzee just… didn’t want them to think that they’d failed in some way because of Gamzee’s own inability to feel and experience things like he was supposed to.

So he’d cut ties with his quadmates and taken to dealing with the issues of genetic collection through the use of throwaway pailmates. Continuing to exist how he wished to as he worked towards fulfilling the task he’d been set.

After he’d gotten that out of the way, then he’d let the drones take him because he wasn’t going to be contributing to them again.


End file.
